I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Randomize
