And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
