It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
