I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
