Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
