If that was your dad, he is hot
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
