I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize