if only i could text you this smell
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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