i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
