She announced her abortion via fbk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
