he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
