Non-Jews are for practice
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
