Screwed.edu
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize