Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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