so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize