Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
