I hate your face
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize