capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
