omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize