god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
