Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
