when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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