Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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