i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
