hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
