You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
