Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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