We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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