my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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