Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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