I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize