I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
