You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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