and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
