tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
