watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
True strength comes from lack of pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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