I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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