In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my shit smells like andre
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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