Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
