Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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