PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
