He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
