I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
