turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
