he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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