You're a womanizer and a bitch.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize