got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
