People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
