i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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