fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize