I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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