I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize