3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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