awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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