Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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