I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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