my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize