ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
