I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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