Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
