My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
