i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
