I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
