I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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