Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
