We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
