somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
