I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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