you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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