first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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