Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
