So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
