dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
